they will swallow us whole
by jadebloods
Summary: A few days before Oiá:ner had surprised him by finally breaking down and giving him permission to leave the valley, there had been a very significant morning that dawned bright but still cool, and Ratonhnhaké:ton had awoken to see Kanen'tó:kon's face hovering over his, blocking out the dawn glow from the far end of the longhouse. "Are you awake?" his friend whispered.


A/N: Shout-out to anybody who has ever had the misfortune to fall in love with their best friend at thirteen.

Content warnings: underage characters, blood, nosebleeds, play fighting, hunters and hunting, kissing, frottage, premature ejaculation, first kiss, awkward first times, unresolved romantic tension.

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_Kanatahséton, 1769_

A few days before Oiá:ner had surprised him by finally breaking down and giving him permission to leave the valley, there had been a very significant morning that dawned bright but still cool, and Ratonhnhaké:ton had awoken to see Kanen'tó:kon's face hovering over his, blocking out the dawn glow from the far end of the longhouse. "Are you awake?" his friend whispered.

The next thing Ratonhnhaké:ton knew was a sharp crack in the mouth as he bolted upright, startled by the sudden appearance of an interloper over his bed before anyone else had awoken. They banged their heads together, making Ratonhnhaké:ton's teeth clatter in his mouth and bite his tongue. "What the- _Tókon_!" he whispered incredulously, tasting blood. He rubbed his lips with the palm of his hand and glanced over at his aunts and uncles, who had begun stirring to various degrees in the commotion.

"Ow," Kanen'tó:kon whined under his breath, sitting back on his haunches and tilting his face back, holding his hand over his nose. Blood had started to drip between his fingers. "If you do not want to go hunting, you can just say so! You don't have to attack me. Why would you do that?"

"Why would I- why would _you_ sneak up on-" he sputtered, grabbing blindly around for his pants and boots, but he stopped when he saw just how much blood was spilling from Kanen'tó:kon's nose. It was now falling to the ground, a few small beads of it collecting in the dirt next to Ratonhnhaké:ton's bed, thick and bright red, attracting the eye like a cluster of berries.

He crawled over and put a calming hand on Kanen'tó:kon's back for a moment, scuffing the blood under the dirt with his foot so that no one would see it next to his bed and worry. Kanen'tó:kon's posture stiffened at the touch, his back straightening and his knees dropping to the ground to steady himself. "Shh, you will be fine, come on. Keep your head up," Ratonhnhaké:ton added, offering his forearm for balance.

Kanen'tó:kon pulled himself to his feet but dropped his hand quickly, looking away while Ratonhnhaké:ton got dressed. He walked away slowly toward the door, holding his face up at an awkward angle to stop more blood from dripping to the dirt. This formal allowance of modesty, such as turning away when the other was changing clothes or taking a leak, was a new element to their friendship that had arisen somewhat organically over the previous year or so. Ratonhnhaké:ton had attributed it to something in the growing process, some instinctive desire to mark off personal space to give their bodies room to change and behave in strange, unpredictable ways privately, but there had never been this kind of barrier between them before. Best friends should weather life experiences together to strengthen the bond of their life-long friendship, or so he thought. He didn't like it, and he understood it even less, but still he felt beholden to it.

"I can't see where I'm going," Kanen'tó:kon muttered, trying to aim for the door but veering off course, walking through several of his cousin's bead projects.

Ratonhnhaké:ton had to press his lips together and look up at the roof of the longhouse to stop himself from laughing. The desire was overpowering, but it would be too unkind to his friend, who had already been literally and metaphorically wounded before breakfast. "Stop," he whispered, stepping over the ruins and putting his hand back on Kanen'tó:kon's shoulder, steering him away from the unfinished crafts and toward a clear path to the door. "I will just lead you, like a horse. Let's go. Hii-ya!"

"That's not funny." Kanen'tó:kon grabbed Ratonhnhaké:ton's hand with his own, holding it in place as if to make sure he didn't get left stranded in the middle of a field of snares and last night's dying embers. He also smeared a light trail of blood on Ratonhnhaké:ton's fingers, which he was fine to ignore until they got to the forest.

"It is a little funny," Ratonhnhaké:ton shrugged, leading them both out the door and into the warm morning sun. He didn't drop his hand from Kanen'tó:kon's shoulder until they were past the fence and nearly to the forest, where the trees cast dappled shadows on their faces and the birds were busy singing their morning songs. The air in the valley was light and crisp, smelling like wet grass and river water, and it was still early enough that they might get lucky and chance across some deer. At the very least, they were assured some rabbits to show for their trouble, especially now that Kanen'tó:kon had the hang of setting traps.

This was the best time of day for hunting, but apparently the worst time of day to put your tender nose within striking distance of your sleeping friend's face.

"Okay, fine," Kanen'tó:kon conceded, smiling up at the clear blue sky. "But just a little. Has it stopped?" He held his hand away from his nose, closing one eye and trying to focus the other at an impossible angle to check it himself. He pulled his lips down, as if that would help him see the front of his own nose somehow.

"Yes," Ratonhnhaké:ton said, lifting himself up on his toes to get a better angle to check. "I think it has. Kneel and I will clean you off."

Kanen'tó:kon gave him a look like he suspected that he was about to become the butt of a joke, but he still lowered himself gingerly to the ground, setting his knees in the dewy grass to stain his hide leggings wet and green. His hands were still against his sides as he looked up, waiting to be dealt with so they could get on with their morning adventure.

In turn, Ratonhnhaké:ton looked down at his friend's upturned face, taking in the way that Kanen'tó:kon's brown eyes sparkled through his eyelashes with flecks of gold and amber in the direct sunlight as his face relaxed into something more trusting, and something about the sight of Kanen'tó:kon's soft, gentle face staring up at him caused his insides to rearrange themselves. He was taken aback by a sudden sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach that held him to the spot, immobile, like an anchor had dropped in his guts.

He felt strangely dismantled by Kanen'tó:kon's immediate, quiet acceptance of his request to drop to his knees, although it was in a way he didn't quite have the vocabulary to describe. None of the words he had available to him seemed to match the feeling, especially in the clear and unbroken light of day.

If there were words for this feeling, his mouth could probably only form them in the dark.

He wanted to take it back, to tell his friend to stand up and never do that again, not in front of him, because he didn't want to examine this feeling further. Paradoxically, he also wanted Kanen'tó:kon to stay there forever because that was where he belonged, always somewhere near Ratonhnhaké:ton's navel and looking up at him with an expression that was part wariness, part adoration. It was too much, and his breath stalled in his throat.

"You're doing it again," Kanen'tó:kon murmured, breaking the trance that had fallen over him.

Ratonhnhaké:ton blinked. How long had he been staring? "I am trying to figure out how to clean up this mess without ruining my shirt," he deflected, stepping backward out of the intensity-real or imagined-of his friend's gaze to pull his shirt over his head. He held Kanen'tó:kon's cheek with one hand and patted his nose and lips gingerly with the back of the shirt, rubbing the soft dip of his upper lip through the fabric. Blood smeared on his shirt hem, which he would have to rinse out when they got to the river. He avoided looking at Kanen'tó:kon's eyes and finished cleaning the area as methodically as possible. "There. You need to be thrown in the river, but this is better."

"Me? _You_ are the one with blood on your shirt, Kéton." Kanen'tó:kon smiled and grabbed Ratonhnhaké:ton's forearm once more. "We can go swimming later, when it gets hot."

Ratonhnhaké:ton braced his knees and pulled Kanen'tó:kon up off of the ground, glad to be on eye level with him again, more or less. He could deal with this. "We can do whatever you want," he said, tugging his shirt back over his head and feeling guilty about the darkness of his thoughts.

Kanen'tó:kon hummed thoughtfully to himself as they walked a little way up the path toward the hunting grounds. "I think I want to set some traps for us while you find us a good tree spot."

"That sounds like a good plan. I will be over there," he pointed to a line of tall trees along the bottom of a cliff. "Come find me when you finish."

"How am I supposed to find you if you're hiding?" Kanen'tó:kon asked, already digging through his pack for snares.

Ratonhnhaké:ton shrugged. "You are not supposed to find me. I will be watching for you."

They agreed on the plan and set off in opposite directions, until Ratonhnhaké:ton was alone with his thoughts, turning over each element of the morning like a rock that needed to be smoothed and worn down gradually. Twigs and needles from the winter's deadfall crunched under his feet until he got closer to his ideal spot, forcing himself to move more quietly until he found a good tree. He hooked his hands on the rough bark of a low branch and hoisted himself up, branch over branch, until he could see almost the whole valley.

He saw smoke rising over the treetops from morning fires at the village, and beyond that the mountains rising in the distance, enormous and hazy. Somewhere below him, Kanen'tó:kon was busy tying knots next to bushes and thickets, kneeling in the cool grass and biting his tongue or his lips as he absorbed himself in the work, trying to tie them exactly as Ratonhnhaké:ton taught him. He could actually tie them better than Ratonhnhaké:ton could at this point, not that he realized it.

The thought of his friend in focused concentration on his knees took him back to his earlier misstep, and Ratonhnhaké:ton felt his cheeks growing hot with embarrassment at being caught lost in thought in such a way. He wondered if Kanen'tó:kon could divine what he had been thinking, if it had shown clearly on his face. Ratonhnhaké:ton had never been good at hiding what he was feeling, nor did he usually want to.

What bothered him the most about it was the sudden novelty of his reaction to such a common and simple thing, because Kanen'tó:kon had always been pliant and malleable to him, overly susceptible to direction because of the depth of his self-doubt, and Ratonhnhaké:ton had always secretly hoped that Kanen'tó:kon would grow out of it and learn to see his own strengths-what he lacked in coordination, he more than made up for by being a quick learner with a good memory-but even deeper and more secretively, he also hoped that Kanen'tó:kon would never outgrow his willingness to follow Ratonhnhaké:ton's lead. There were several reasons for this, but the one he was most comfortable acknowledging out here in the sunlight, in plain sight of the trees and the birds and the Maker, was that it would make it easier for Ratonhnhaké:ton to protect him. Not that he really understood yet what exactly Kanen'tó:kon might need to be protected from, but that was unimportant.

There was always something threatening the things you loved the most. If not one thing, then another.

Ratonhnhaké:ton scowled and pulled out his knife, flicking it absently at a nearby branch until the wrenching feeling in his gut had subsided a little. Focusing on the menial activity allowed him to empty his mind of distractions, especially when he imagined the grainy picture of Charles Lee's face on the thick branch opposite him. His memory of the encounter was starting to grow thin, and his mental image of the man's face was becoming hazy and impressionistic after nine years, but he would never forget the name.

Unfortunately, this level of concentration made him oblivious to the comings and goings of the deer, not to mention Kanen'tó:kon, who Ratonhnhaké:ton didn't even see until he was almost right beneath the tree, wandering aimlessly through the area and trying to peer through the branches. "You can move much more silently through the woods these days, Tókon."

Kanen'tó:kon jumped at the sudden noise, looking around for the source until he finally spotted Ratonhnhaké:ton high above him. "I'm not as good at being silent as you are at staying hidden."

"Maybe you should be a little less quiet then, otherwise we might never find each other." Ratonhnhaké:ton looked around for an easy path up, spotting some larger deadfall not too far away. "Look, over here, I will help you make it up." He pointed in the direction of the downed tree and swung his body onto the next branch, intending to meet his friend halfway.

Kanen'tó:kon jogged over to the rendezvous and pulled himself up on some stumps, reaching the bridging horizontal log at the same time Ratonhnhaké:ton did. They steadied themselves, crouching their bodies low and feeling their way across the rough, dead bark until they met in the middle. Two boys meet at at a narrow pass, but only one man will make it out alive. This was a familiar game to them both, and there was a playful glint in Kanen'tó:kon's eyes that Ratonhnhaké:ton could see even across the entire length of the tree, so he could easily anticipate what happened next.

He threw his hands up before Kanen'tó:kon could grab his shoulders and unbalance him, laughing and lacing their fingers together so he could try to force Kanen'tó:kon to cede ground. "Too slow," he grunted through a grin, bracing his elbows and pushing with his shoulders, trying to topple his friend.

"I am slow, but you are light," Kanen'tó:kon groaned as he lowered his body further, dropping his center of gravity and making him impossible to topple. Ratonhnhaké:ton was ultimately bested by his own hubris at assuming he could get the upper hand on his friend, who may not meet his skill in athleticism but was still smart enough to be a worthy adversary in high-stakes log wars. Ratonhnhaké:ton twisted to the side, trying to brute force his way through but losing his grip on the log when Kanen'tó:kon pushed hard with one arm, torquing him backward and sideways.

He wobbled and pinwheeled his arms for a moment before flipping over and falling, landing on his back in a soft pile of pine branches. "Ugh!" he shouted melodramatically on the way down, rolling around in the pile and faking a grisly death. "Uuuugh!"

"Ugh!" Kanen'tó:kon agreed, launching himself carefully into the pile and rolling around with him, the both of them waving their limbs wildly and rolling over in the macabre throes of death until they had succeeded in scaring away all of the game in a several hundred yard radius.

When they both grew tired of the dramatics, they laid exhausted in the middle of the pile, giggling manically and holding their sides, trying to catch their breath from laughing so hard. "I hope those snares did the job, otherwise we will be going back empty handed," Ratonhnhaké:ton panted, flopping over once more until his arm and one leg pinned Kanen'tó:kon to the pile.

"So do I," Kanen'tó:kon sighed, lying on his back and staring up at the sky through a gap in the pile. "Do you remember when we used to do this when we were little?"

"I remember when one pile used to be enough to hide us both completely." He remembered a lot more than that about hiding in piles in this woods. Some memories were good, others bittersweet. One memory in particular was terrifying and angering at the same time, and another made his stomach twist like it had earlier this morning.

"Is that a joke about me being fat?" Kanen'tó:kon looked down at Ratonhnhaké:ton from the corner of his eye, but didn't make to extract himself from being pinned down.

"No. We have both gotten bigger." Ratonhnhaké:ton fidgeted with one of the bone quills on Kanen'tó:kon's vest, spinning it over and over between his fingers as he remembered Kanen'tó:kon's lips on his temple, through the ash and sweat and tears, as they sat in a pile not unlike this one nine years ago. After being dragged away from his mother and the torched village, Ratonhnhaké:ton had fled into the woods and hidden in a pile of branches for hours until Kanen'tó:kon found him late that night, and they had sat together in silence while Ratonhnhaké:ton cried out of rage and loss. He didn't want to think about that right now, with Kanen'tó:kon's soft body so close beside him and the air sweet with grass and pine, but there was no way to avoid the association. "A lot of things have changed since then."

Kanen'tó:kon didn't speak for a minute, continuing to stare quietly up at the sky and allowing Ratonhnhaké:ton to fiddle with his clothing out of familiarity. "You are going to leave, aren't you?" he asked astutely, shocking Ratonhnhaké:ton's hands into stilling.

"Not without Oiá:ner's permission." He could feel the slow rise and fall of Kanen'tó:kon's chest break pace momentarily when he said it, knowing that his avoidance of the question told Kanen'tó:kon what was in his heart.

"She will give it to you though, eventually. You are special, and she knows it." Kanen'tó:kon chewed on his bottom lip thoughtfully. "She also knows that you are about as easy to restrain as a bear."

"I have restraint," Ratonhnhaké:ton protested, and Kanen'tó:kon barked with laughter. "What? I do."

"It's okay, Kéton. I know you are going to leave. I know it's what you feel like you have to do, and I know why you are doing it." He shrugged, tilting his head down to look at Ratonhnhaké:ton's face directly. "I wish you did not have to, I wish none of us had to, but I also know you would choose to stay if you thought you could."

Ratonhnhaké:ton looked back and forth from one brown eye to the other, feeling a surge of appreciation and love and desperation push through his chest with such force that he didn't know what to say to express his gratitude at being understood, or how to think about saying anything at all. He wasn't good with words anyway, so instead he crawled up to kiss Kanen'tó:kon's temple in return, holding his lips there for an extended moment. When he pulled away, he could taste sweat and pine sap on his lips.

"What was that for?" Kanen'tó:kon asked carefully.

Ratonhnhaké:ton held his words deliberately before speaking, laying his head down in the pile close enough that their noses almost touched. "Now we are even," he finally admitted.

Kanen'tó:kon looked down at Ratonhnhaké:ton's nose, then back up at his eyes. "You remember that?" he asked. "We were just kids."

"You set the precedent, I am only following it." He shrugged but was careful not to break eye contact. Something about this moment felt very significant, and looking away might shatter the tenuous thread of tension that he thought he felt growing between them.

They held each other's gaze for a moment, but then, "I heard that Dékon and Riio got caught kissing in a pile," Kanen'tó:kon said quietly, barely above a whisper. He finally broke and looked away, glancing down at Ratonhnhaké:ton's lips, telegraphing his thoughts.

"Dékon is not as skilled at staying silent as I am." His hand was still on Kanen'tó:kon's chest, so he knew immediately that his friend had begun to hold his breath. He could hear his own heart beating in his ears, the moment growing full with uncertain potential as the slow trickle of adrenaline made him feel hot and full of energy, like the moment before lightning strikes a tree next to where you stand.

In the end, he wasn't even sure which one of them moved forward first. Maybe it didn't matter, because the result was the same either way. Ratonhnhaké:ton closed his eyes and felt Kanen'tó:kon's soft lips on his own, pressing tentatively together until their noses bumped against each other's cheeks, and he could feel Kanen'tó:kon's warm breath on his face.

He tasted more pine and sweat and also the remnants of the blood from Kanen'tó:kon's nosebleed, or perhaps that was just the flavor of his own adrenaline on his tongue as Kanen'tó:kon turned his body into the kiss. Ratonhnhaké:ton knew a sign of receptivity when he saw one, so he pushed forward, sliding his hand along Kanen'tó:kon's stomach to rest it on his hip and shifting his leg until it rested between both of Kanen'tó:kon's, who parted them slightly to allow him room. He also parted his lips, giving Ratonhnhaké:ton access to kiss him deeper.

All of the signs indicated that Ratonhnhaké:ton should move forward, but he found himself in the unfamiliar situation of not knowing what he was supposed to do next. He was half on top of a willing and engaged participant, but he was completely out of his element. How could he show Kanen'tó:kon that everything he was doing was ultimately for him, in a way? How could he convey how much he was going to miss him, and that this might be their last chance?

Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled himself up so that he could swing his leg the rest of the way over Kanen'tó:kon's hips and settle himself on top, pushing him down into the pile with the full force of his body as they kissed. He hoped that it would get the message across, translating his weight into the metaphorical weight of his knotted, labyrinthine emotions. At the very least, it forced a low breath out of his friend's chest, and hearing the sound of it made Ratonhnhaké:ton's skin prickle. There was nothing in the world that he wanted more than to make Kanen'tó:kon make that noise again, and he would stay in this valley forever if it meant he could hear it over and over.

Ultimately he wouldn't need to stay forever, because after a few moments of kissing Ratonhnhaké:ton adjusted his hips in a way that made a moan rise in Kanen'tó:kon's throat, startling them both out of the kiss abruptly. Kanen'tó:kon laughed nervously at himself when he pulled away, but now that sinking sensation was back in Ratonhnhaké:ton's stomach, paired with a pull in his groin that was starting to become very familiar to him. His eyes grew wide, unsure how his friend would react to feeling his erection against his thigh.

"I-" he started to say, at the same time that Kanen'tó:kon began with "It's-", and they both stopped to laugh again, more nervous tittering than anything else, but it relaxed him. Kanen'tó:kon brought his hands up to rest them on Ratonhnhaké:ton's back, so he leaned in again and resumed the kissing, pressing his erection against Kanen'tó:kon's leg and feeling a knot build in his chest from the pressure of containing his own moans.

They settled into a gentle rocking motion as they kissed, Ratonhnhaké:ton bracing his body with his arms, and Kanen'tó:kon moving his hands hesitantly over Ratonhnhaké:ton's back, up and down and back again, up into his loose, unbraided hair. It wasn't long before he realized that he wasn't the only one who was hard, and he probably should have expected this, but the knowledge knocked something askew inside of him.

Suddenly he found himself wondering if Kanen'tó:kon had been thinking the same thing he was earlier today, when he had been on his knees in front of him. He wondered if Kanen'tó:kon felt that same dark lurching feeling in his gut, the amorphous desire for something to happen but being unsure about where it should be taken.

What if Kanen'tó:kon was on his knees right now, kissing Ratonhnhaké:ton's stomach and looking up at him through his eyelashes, with the sun reflected in his eyes?

The noise that escaped him was so loud and so pathetic that he had to squeeze his eyes shut with embarrassment, especially after boasting about his prowess at staying silent. "Damn," he muttered, pressing his face into Kanen'tó:kon's neck.

"What?" Kanen'tó:kon breathed, but Ratonhnhaké:ton just shook his head and tilted his hips, sliding his groin along Kanen'tó:kon's erection over his pants. "Oh..." he trailed off, digging his fingers into Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulders as he did it again, grinding them together with a budding urgency. Ratonhnhaké:ton kissed Kanen'tó:kon's throat, panting against the skin there as he heard and felt his friend's breathing pick up to match his own, growing wild and ragged as they pushed their inexperienced and unpredictable bodies against each other.

"Kéton," Kanen'tó:kon said in a small, shaky voice. Hearing his name spoken in such a way by Kanen'tó:kon made his heart clench and his body throb, and then Kanen'tó:kon said it again, louder and more insistent, the sound of it going straight to Ratonhnhaké:ton's groin. He couldn't take much more of this.

He wouldn't have to, because then Kanen'tó:kon spoke again in a panicked voice, "Kéton, _stop_!"

Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled away immediately, breathing hard but holding his body very carefully still and searching his friend's face with concern. Kanen'tó:kon's eyes were wide and his eyebrows were high on his face, his lips pulled apart in a silent moan as his body shuddered under Ratonhnhaké:ton's in the soft pile of needles. His eyes closed as his body curled up, his breaths coming short and harsh as Ratonhnhaké:ton touched him gingerly on the stomach. "Damn," Ratonhnhaké:ton whispered again under his breath.

Kanen'tó:kon put his palm over his forehead as he came down, panting and staring blankly up at the sky through the leaves. In that moment he was perfect to Ratonhnhaké:ton, he loved his friend so completely. He had never seen anything so viscerally erotic in his young life, and it imprinted on his libido for years to come.

The moment didn't last, however, because as soon as Kanen'tó:kon had his breath back, he grimaced and avoided Ratonhnhaké:ton's eyes. "I have to-" he started to say, but he didn't finish his thought, instead rolling out from under Ratonhnhaké:ton and out of the pile completely, walking away in the direction of the river with unsteady legs and not looking back.

Ratonhnhaké:ton laid there, completely stunned and feeling like someone had pulled a blanket out from under him. Everything had been so perfect, what had he done wrong? What on earth had just happened?

He rolled over to face away from the path while a wave of hot, sick shame rolled through his body. Had he ruined everything? He bit the inside of his cheek and forced down the ill feeling, burying his face in the pine needles until it passed and his erection faded away. It would be back-he had already learned that when he ignored them, they just came back more insistently until he took care of them-but now was not the time. Not when he felt like this, and Kanen'tó:kon was out there somewhere feeling... something. Who knows what.

Eventually he staggered out of the pile, brushing himself off and forcing his shaky legs to carry his body down the path to the river, one step at a time. As he walked, he checked himself, making sure that all of his tools were accounted for. The focus helped keep his mind away from the shame and the gnawing dread as he tracked down his friend. At thirteen, Ratonhnhaké:ton was already mastering the art of shoving down his own needs to enforce the peace.

He approached the river quietly, spotting Kanen'tó:kon long before being spotted himself. The babbling of the water masked his approach, but he also didn't want to startle Kanen'tó:kon or risk making him run away again, so he announced himself as he got to the opposite bank. "Tókon," he called, holding his empty hands out. Peace, they said. Truce.

Kanen'tó:kon looked up at him and quickly back down at his clothes, which he was rinsing out in the water. "I have... pine sap... all over my pants," he said, keeping his eyes on the fabric.

"Yes, and I have your blood on my shirt." Ratonhnhaké:ton pulled his shirt over his head and stepped into the water, wading in until it covered his waist, but stopping a prudent distance away from Kanen'tó:kon. For a while, they stood silently in the water, washing various substances out of their clothes so that no one would be the wiser when they returned to the village. The whole day would be easy to account for if they showed up soaking wet. "We can just tell everyone we got chased into the river by a bear."

"Twice in one week?" The ghost of a smile flitted across Kanen'tó:kon's face, but he still looked determinedly down at his scrubbing.

"That bear is quite a nuisance," Ratonhnhaké:ton confirmed before holding his nose and plunging his head under the cool water. He held himself underwater as long as possible, until his lungs began to burn and all of the air forced its way out of his mouth, bubbling to the surface until he followed it, gasping and sputtering for breath.

When he collected himself, he found Kanen'tó:kon staring at him intently. He knew he was about to hear something he wasn't going to like, so he crouched low in the water and braced himself, clenching his fists and his core muscles under the surface. "What?"

"I'm not..." Kanen'tó:kon started to say before trailing off, grasping around for the right word.

Ratonhnhaké:ton's face pulled into a grimace and he looked away, positive that his friend was going to say that he didn't feel this way, that it was a mistake.

"...Ready," he finally finished. "I'm not ready for..." Kanen'tó:kon made a motion with his hands, passing them back and forth in the air between the two of them, indicating some kind of invisible bond connecting them. "This."

Ratonhnhaké:ton licked his lips, the river water sitting heavy with metallic-tasting minerals on his tongue. This was better than what he expected to hear, but it still wasn't good. "What do you mean? What is 'this'?"

"I don't know," Kanen'tó:kon admitted, sighing and pulling his pants back on under the water. "It is something though, right?" Ratonhnhaké:ton nodded. "I want it to be something, but we both know you are leaving. One way or another, you are going to leave. This is not a good time to try to take something and make it... something else."

Ratonhnhaké:ton let out a large breath with his mouth partially submerged, making the water bubble and splatter. It was the only response he could muster that wouldn't involve an embarrassing airing of his feelings. "Okay," he said after he was finished, standing up and pulling his wet shirt back on.

Kanen'tó:kon waded through the water until he was a few feet away, putting his hand on Ratonhnhaké:ton's shoulder. It was familiar and lovely, and Ratonhnhaké:ton already missed it. "There will always be time. Later."

He didn't even know how to begin telling his friend all of the ways he was wrong, that once he was gone he was probably never going to be able to come all the way back. He was young and brash, but he was also smart enough to know this was true on a certain level. His chest stung with heartache for something that wasn't even gone yet, but he didn't want to tell Kanen'tó:kon any this, didn't want to pressure him into making any decisions he wasn't ready to make. "Of course," he lied, holding Kanen'tó:kon's forearm with his hand. "There will be time."

Kanen'tó:kon looked at him with longing, as if he wanted to take it back, or kiss him again, but Ratonhnhaké:ton knew it was the right choice even if it hurt. He needed to diffuse the moment before they got lost in it again, so he yanked Kanen'tó:kon's arm down until he was pulled underwater, wetting his shirt and braids. "What was that for?" he asked, smoothing his soaked hair out of his eyes when he surfaced, spitting river water between his lips.

"The bear," Ratonhnhaké:ton explained, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You need some leaves in your hair too," he added, splashing wet leaves at the back of Kanen'tó:kon's head.

Kanen'tó:kon's eyes flashed at the promise of a water fight, and soon they were splashing vigorously at each other until they were both winded, crawling up the bank and getting smooth little pebbles stuck in the palms of their hands. Their clothes were ruined, and Kanen'tó:kon's braids were completely unraveled. They flopped into the grass as two matching complete messes, panting until their lungs stopped straining with the effort of pulling each breath.

"Do you think we should go check the snares?" Kanen'tó:kon asked, curling up into a sitting position so the sun could start drying his hair.

"No," Ratonhnhaké:ton grunted as he pulled himself off of the ground. "Let's just go back, we can collect them later. Oiá:ner wanted to speak with me this afternoon."

He walked over and held out his arm for Kanen'tó:kon to grab, and for the third time today, he pulled his friend to his feet. Kanen'tó:kon smiled at him weakly before turning toward the path back to their village, and they walked slowly without saying much, giving their bodies time to dry and their minds time to settle. They stayed side-by-side the whole way back, elbows touching, then moving apart, then bumping together again as they swayed back and forth under the trees and the birds and the bright blue sky.

It was a perfect morning for hunting, but apparently the worst morning to put your raw, unrefined body and emotions within kissing distance of your best friend's face.

* * *

End notes: I wasn't sure of the convention for shortening Kanien'kéha names into nicknames, so I followed Kaniehtí:io/Ziio's example by just taking the last two syllables. I also had to make up some nicknames for two other kids, so hopefully they scan well. I apologize if I messed those up, and I'd appreciate feedback on it if anyone happens to read this who speaks Kanien'kéha.

The dialogue was tricky, since presumably they'd be speaking Kanien'kéha with each other, which would sound more natural, but I also wanted the English to read in Connor's voice, and when he speaks English he rarely uses contractions, etc. Hopefully I struck a good balance.


End file.
